Words and Photos by Alexis C. Russell
Meet me where the sun hits the pavement and keeps going. Here is where you’ll find me settled in the acceptance of whatever is coming to me. Taking in every beam and ray and raindrop that life has to offer. I allow myself to journey into a place of discover. I grant myself permission to be.
BUT, OF COURSE, IT WASN’T ALWAYS THIS WAY.
Picture this: it’s 2017 and I’m 24 years old, 450 miles away from home. I just became a new mom for the first time. I’m hiding behind the smiles of my daughter and passing them off as my own. Battling a deep sense of melancholy that took me years to be able to name. Losing myself. Losing my partner. I’m being swallowed up as my world moves faster than I can keep up with.
For nearly three years, I struggled with postpartum depression. There were days when I would hide in the bathroom and cry uncontrollably believing that my infant daughter didn’t love me. I felt disconnected from her and myself. There were moments when I would watch her playing or sleeping and would feel nothing. Then, there were days when I would bury myself in her to intentionally lose all of me and not have to deal with the guilt of feeling disconnected.
Going into 2019, I entered an accelerator program with the intent of starting a business. I left with a new sense of self as I began to discover and uncover who I was at my core. On the last day of the accelerator, I cried tears of gratitude when my cohort members reminded me that I had a story worth sharing and continuing. And I started to believe it. I leaned into my journey, showed vulnerability, and surrounded myself with empathy and compassion from other cohort members. This experience enabled me to ask and answer tough questions about who I was and who I could become. I learned that while I was a mom, I wasn’t just a mom: I still had a full life to live and enjoy for myself and my daughter. My journey of self-discovery was just beginning but I was starting to finally pull myself out of the grip of depression and find my path forward.
Prior to my journey of self-discovery, I lived in the comfort of avoidance. I couldn’t name my struggle because mental health challenges were non-existent in my life. Mental trauma and warfare didn’t — couldn’t — exist in my world as a woman of color who was taught to “be strong.” I realize now that strength rests in the arms of those who embrace vulnerability, authenticity, mindfulness, empathy, and connection. These concepts, values, and life practices are what taught me to lean into my humanity and be all of who I am.
MINDFULNESS is being fully present. It’s taking in where you are and simply allowing yourself to be — mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
AUTHENTICITY is resisting the innate desire to cover up what is real and what is present.
VULNERABILITY is opening yourself up to feel, to cry, to laugh, to be afraid — to be. It is the most courageous human act and always fails to get the credit it deserves.
EMPATHY is the moment of acceptance and where healing begins. When coupled with compassion, it is the intentional art of letting go, forgiving, and starting to move forward.
CONNECTION is recognizing that every experience links to another. It creates a oneness in our lives to remind us that we are all human and in some way, everything is connected.
I didn’t always understand this, but these practices are coming to me more naturally as I lean into discomfort and ask myself tough questions about my self-discovery that I often want to avoid.
Questioning creates transformation, inspires innovation, and results in true change. In the midst of asking and answering these tough questions is where I began to build my first company — Inspiring Experiences. Its mission is to offer people a safe space to embrace all of who they are, wherever they are. From my own mental wellness journey, I began creating workshops, resources, and products to help people find their way out of the grip of life. My practices and impact lie in the art of teaching and encouraging people to uncover their ever-evolving stories and find the peace in letting go in order to be all of who they are.
One of my all-time favorite questions to journal about is: who am I as a human being versus a human doing? It’s the easiest way to become present and to be here, now. From there, I’ll remind myself of my values. If negative energy is taking over, I’ll acknowledge it and begin to accept it and reframe my thoughts so that they reach and serve me instead of drain and hinder me from moving forward.
Mindfulness practices such as journaling and questioning always draw me closer to myself, remind me that I have purpose, and help me to feel and know that I am whole.
Quick Mindfulness Practice to Try
Close your eyes. Take three slow, deep breaths in and out. Focus on your chest rising and falling with each breath. Listen to the sounds happening around you. Name them. Let your mind wander and then bring yourself back to three deep inhales and exhales.
This five-minute mindfulness practice helps you to simply slow down and tune in to your present moment. So often, we find ourselves with not enough time in our days, exhausted, rushing, and feeling like we’re missing out on life when, in reality, life is constantly happening all around us. This is life. What we’re missing is paying attention with intention and welcoming the present no matter how chaotic it may be. These practices have impacted and saved my life in more ways than you can imagine.
When I became a mom, I released all of who I was and believed that my daughter was my purpose, my reason to live. I lived as though motherhood meant death. It meant ending my dreams so that hers could begin. I was wrong.
As the sun rose on January 5, 2017, I met motherhood and gave it the power to define all of who I believed I could be. Today, I’m 30, a mother of two beautiful daughters, married to my husband who has stuck with me for the past decade, and I’m accepting all that is coming to me.I’m allowing myself to be and welcoming others to join me on this journey of self-discovery, mindfulness, and mental wellness.
Each day, I tell myself that I belong where I am. In every moment, I’m sitting where the sun hits the pavement and keeps going.
